Jelefishjungle

waiting wishing wanting

ok so madi is coming home tomorrow and her most wanted thing is to have a computer in her room so she doesnt have to ever leave it!  if she could put in plumbing im sure she would so today when i get off work im gonna meet Hannah then run home and rearrange her room and then hook her computer up and hopefully i can hook up the wireless router i just bought!  God willing i’ll get this right and she will be sooooo excited when she comes home tomorrow!  now ill just need to watch her history a little closer since she will be kinda on her own.  Please no PORN!! lol

American Idol Live stuff came in yesterday- im going to go pick it up tomorrow after work!  Then I have to pack up the lil one so she can go off to the beach for a week without me! >:(  im sad shell be gone but kinda looking forward to spending alot of time at cheles planning the wedding!  Fun Fun!  Im sure ill be wanting her home come Monday!  Im gonna be a brave lil toaster!!!

my head hurts soooo freaking bad and im tired just cuz i couldnt fall asleep- its making me grumpy and i hate grumpy!  i know!!!!! i need COFFEE!! :)

guilt

why is it that some people can make you feel guilty for who you are? when people look in from the outside my life seems pretty good. I have a nice house, nice car, great friends, amazing family, the most extravagant daughter god could give me, great employers at both my jobs, etc etc etc….. But what certain people dont see is the stress of keeping the house going, taking care and raising my daughter alone, budgeting extra money for her, handling the stress of keeping her on the straight, feeding our family, sick grandparents, dealing with madison ‘syndrome/illness’, working 2 jobs, living beyond the typical expectations of a “normal” single mother, never having time for me, missing my sister, so on and so on and so on…..Thats just the beginning. i work damn hard for what i have and bust my ass to be the best mom i can be. just because someone may not have what i have (more or less than) doesnt mean i have it to make them feel less. i deserve to have nice things. thats what i work for! just cuz i love my daughter and have grown pretty attached to some of her friends doesnt make me bad either! it makes me INVOLVED and that is the important aspect of it all. so i will not stop living my life because someone is made to feel less or threatened by me- in whatever way that should be. its ridiculous-

ugh errggghhhh~

i so wanna go to bed and sleep til next thursday! why thursday, well cuz then i would only have to work 4 hours on friday! lol!!! im sooo looking forward to the chili cook off on saturday with hopes i’ll be able to unwind. i do have fear of other reasons but well…. not really worth mentioning. Anyways I hope action shots go by quickly and Im looking forward to working with Brandon cuz im going to make him show me all of his talents so i can take cool pics and be awesome- nobody likes to suck! (last sentence is not to be read with a dirty mind!!!!!! lol)

relieved & wah-lah!~

so yesterday was a totally amazing day. I got great news about my lil bestie, i bought a bistro table & umbrella for my deck, spent the whole day with my moms and got to go to starbucks and get my cinnamon dolce latte’! Could a girl ask for much more…… well yes, but that was enough to make me happy. o and i went to walmart and browsed the small pathetic book section and found some happiness there too! Didnt by anything cuz im holding out for my trip with my fav hannah to wonder books. And if it couldnt get any better i got my state taxes deposited today! so yea im going back to the christmas tree store and buying that hammock that was only $39!!! So NOW i just need to find me a man to fan me with a giant leaf while i lay on the hammock!!! Oh and did i mention the sun came out to play and dance life on my face too! ~sigh~

new and quick- (snicker hehehe)

so im not sure how this whole thing works but im gonna check it out and possibly get slightly addicted which is sweet, seeming i dont have time for anything as it is!

im pretty stoked about the rain. some people hate it, but its when im at my calmest and get to tap into my deepest thoughts. kinda straighten out all the comotion, its nice.

so i hope it does continue for the next couple of days-i’ll be enjoying it